“Okay. I’m going to count to ten…then we’ll start again.”

Despite getting pretty good grades in high school, Carly and I were kind of badly behaved. I guess the lack of a challenge gave us extra time to do stupid stuff. While cleaning my childhood room today, I discovered perhaps the dumbest/greatest thing we were ever responsible for: the “Eyes On You” notebook.

The year was 2005, and Carly and I were in the throes of what we’ve now dubbed “Spring Madness,” in which we managed to alienate most of our friends over the course of a few weeks. We found a small spiral notebook in Walgreens that had a picture of a frog with crazy eyes, and “EYES ON YOU” in bold letters on the cover. We had to have it.

It began innocently enough. We were also investing a significant amount of energy terrorizing our choir teacher during this period in our lives. Our first entry, dated April 5, 2005 (oh, how we’ve matured!) was a quote from him: “Carly and Sarah, please stop talking when I am talking.” Things escalated over the next hour or so. “I REALLY need your focus. Every distraction you create takes away from the group.” Our favorite thing to do in class was play the Opposite Game — every dynamic note he gave us (faster, slower, louder, softer), we’d do exactly the opposite. We auditioned for the spring concert to upset him with a rendition of “Total Eclipse of the Heart,” complete with a mimed choreographed cymbal routine during the instrumental break. We were assholes.

We kept on like this for a little while. We particularly liked to draw cartoons of people, like Mr. Harris, our AP Comp substitute teacher, with whom we fell briefly yet passionately in love.

The text above reads "Sometimes special things happen...Mr. Harris." The text on the bottom: "Awesome." (Written in purple pen, as that was the day we forced our class to grade each other's papers in purple to antagonize our full-time teacher. Another story for another time.) Oh, and just below that (not pictured) — his license plate number. WHAT WAS THE MATTER WITH US???

It wasn’t long, however, until our friends noticed us poring over this little notebook together and giggling heartily. Someone started the rumor that it was a “burn book,” a la “Mean Girls,” and…well, we didn’t confirm or deny it, because we thought it was funny! Looking over the notebook now, I can literally track how the hysteria over it grew until no one wanted to hang out with us anymore. Which maybe, deep down, was what we wanted? I don’t know, I’m not a psychologist. Seriously though, this was like the Red Scare of DVHS Class of ’06 (at least among the 6-10 people we hung out with).

The following quotes from our poor friends are in chronological order, and by the looks of things, were written down immediately after they were said to us. Like I said: we were assholes.

“Neither of you guys are really stupid…It’s more that she thinks she’s better than everyone, and you’re an elitist person.”

“I don’t care. Fuck this, fuck that, fuck them.”

“You guys are just stupid.”

“Let’s just steal it to see how pathetic their lives really are.”

“Can I see my entry in the burn book?”

To be fair, there were maaaaybe one or two sick burns in the whole thing. And we probably should have just told everyone that it wasn’t a burn book…to avoid the whole controversy over having a burn book in the first place. For the most part, though, the notebook was filled with page after page of these:

An artistic rendering of Kevin Bacon. I was in love. Some things never change.

We probably should have used all this extra energy to take a couple extra AP classes or something. Whatever, though! We logged some serious hours in Carly’s parents’ basement! No one can take that away from us!!!

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1 Response to “Okay. I’m going to count to ten…then we’ll start again.”

  1. Kristie says:

    HOLY SHIT. I haven’t thought about Mr. Harris (or the shenanigans) in forever. So flippin bonkers.

    omg, I totally forgot about the purple marker incident. And now I’m losing it.

    those quotes are effing priceless. I’m trying to go back in time (mentally) and use context clues to figure out who said what. Gawd. So awesome.

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