First things first-I am happy to announce that Sarah and I are now both officially employed. On the plus side, we are both working in our desired fields, and will likely be able to pay our bills. On the down side, this severely limits our material for a down-on-their-luck memoir about our triumphant return from obscurity.
While Sarah started her job today, I still have another week of unemployment, which means that for the next six days I have more free time on my hands than I have had in probably my entire life. The problem with this is that due to the previous tenants in our apartment being supremely irresponsible, we are unable to get internet or cable until at least Thursday.
I have decided to fill my days by taking on a project that is about two years over due. I am training Suki to walk on a leash. It seems like a simple task, but thanks to my dog’s unreasonable strength and non-stop commitment to testing my love, it is actually extremely difficult.
My strategy in this labor of love is a technique taught to me by years of watching “The Dog Whisperer.” It’s easy enough-you walk like normal, and then when the leash goes tight, you stop cold. Then you resume walking until the leash goes tight again, and then you stop again, and so on. The dog will supposedly learn that when the leash is tight, they don’t go anywhere.
I started this the day after we moved into our place. By the end of our first walk, Suki seemed to have a pretty good idea of what was going on, and by the second day, I was really ready to pat myself on the back. Then we discovered doggy paradise.
See, we live right by Prospect Park. Every day, from 5 a.m. to 9 a.m. dogs can go off leash. Not only that, but there is a dog beach, where the pups can swim in the lake. It’s unreal. I’ve always said that the dog park is my happy place, but this is a whole different thing.
So here’s the issue. As quickly as Suki figured out that she needed to walk like a lady, her realization that walking usually means doggy paradise came even faster. So now, instead of abiding by my rules, as soon as we get out the door, she tries to actually drag me to the park. On top of that, she has also taken to refusing to go to the bathroom on our short walks, in the hopes that I will keep walking toward the park until she goes.
Of course, her protests fall on deaf ears, as I refuse to negotiate with terrorists. However, every time I congratulate myself on teaching her a lesson, she retaliates by waking me up at about 6 a.m. to go out. Suki and I are having a battle of wits, and she is crushing me.
The problem is, I should probably just not take her to doggy paradise, to really teach her a lesson–but I love it so much that I can’t help myself. I feel like all of this really bodes well for if and when I have to raise children.