“Aw man I’m in Venice, this is crazy!” Cody says, clearly not recognizing how true that statement is. Andi greets him, his baby sized tee and the rest of the dudes on a dock, letting them know that the first one-on-one date is starting now. Cody is grinning like an idiot. He’s the only one who hasn’t had a solo date, so he’s sure today is his day. LOL not happening, muscles. Nick’s getting a second date to turn around his Negative Nancy reputation after last week. “I feel like I’m kind of like the pet dog of the group,” Cody says, as he smiles through his pain, looking not unlike a neglected puppy waiting for a treat.
Nick and Andi tour around Venice, doing really fun things like eating pizza in an alley and allowing pigeons to perch on various body parts. So romantic! Not disease-y at all! They hop in a gondola so that Nick can apologize for being a sourpuss on the group date and Andi can immediately forgive him.
Back at the hotel, Josh, Brian, Dylan, Marcus, JJ and Chris find out they are going on the group date. All the guys leap up and shake Cody’s hand and congratulate him for finally getting his one-on-one, which is an overblown reaction that makes me think that Cody, despite being a cartoon, is probably a really good hang.
For dinner, Nick and Andi are in their finest evening wear for a dinner in a really gorgeous building. Andi brings up the group date again, especially the “fight” with Cody. Andi’s rocking her patented “I’m listening” duck face as Nick says that it’s hard to imagine anyone else having as strong of a connection as they do, and that’s why the frontrunner conversation and resulting argument happened. Andi’s clearly buying what he’s selling, especially when he tells her that he’s falling in love with her. “Good. I like hearing that,” Andi says in response. Everyone’s dream response to a declaration of love! Andi gives Nick the rose, of course, and then they go outside and make out in front of some poor musicians who do their best to avert eye contact.
Before the group date, Andi reads the third letter from her secret admirer. Oh, right. I forgot this was still a thing.
She and the fellas arrive at a castle packed with medieval weapons, and Andi tells the dudes that they will be undergoing a lie detector test, administered by two terrifying Italian men. To prove how honest and cool she is, she’ll be going first. Andi’s questions are super controversial: “is Italy your favorite country?” the mobster asks, along with “do you think your husband is in the remaining guys?” Spoiler alert: both answers are yes.
The guys get slightly more interesting questions. Of course there is the requisite “are you here for the right reasons?” But we also get stuff like “do you prefer blondes to brunettes?” and “are you good in bed?” The real OMG moment, though, comes when Dylan answers no to the question “do you wash your hands after you go to the bathroom.” LOL nice knowing you, bro. Proving that restroom hygiene really is that important, he pulls Andi aside after the test to tell her that he’s come down with some sort of stomach bug and needs to go back to the hotel. Oh, also Chris is the secret admirer and is bummed that he won’t be able to reveal that on his own terms but like who cares when one of the guys is walking around covered in poop germs?
So, the results indicate that of the six fellas, three told no lies, one told two lies, and two told three lies, while Andi lied twice. The scary proctor gives them the results in sealed envelopes. Brian, the idiot, immediately opens Andi’s envelope. Turns out Italy is NOT her favorite country. Andi decides not to look at the guys’ results because she trusts them and because she hates fun.
In the evening, Brian pulls Andi for some alone time first, and they do some self administered lie detecting, ending with the all important question of “do you want to make out?”
Meanwhile, the other dudes are discussing the secret admirer, trying to figure out who it might be/subtly making fun of it. “It’s weird that somebody… you know… really… what the hell? I mean… why would you do that?” says Chris, playing it SUPER cool as he drips with sweat.
Marcus pulls the oldest trick in the Bachelor book, saying that he almost walked away because this process is just SO HARD, but he stayed because she’s worth it and he’s in love with her. And then they make out like… for real. The kind of make out where you feel like a pervert if you don’t look away (I did not look away).
Josh is offended that he had to do the lie detector test because of their connection, and he says he’s glad that she ripped up the results. This immediately leads to Andi deciding that this must mean he has something to hide. They debate about whether or not he’s there for the right reasons (drink) and talk about their connection (chug), but all I can see is Josh’s super distracting, tightly knotted scarf.
Chris is up next, and he has a big set up about how he wasn’t honest about something. Andi catches on pretty quickly, because Chris is so earnest that he nearly burst into flames when trying to lie to the guys earlier, and calls him out for being the secret admirer. When they return to the group, Andi naturally gives the rose to Chris, because how can you not after that?
Andi walks away, but the cameras linger long enough to hear JJ berate the other men for congratulating Chris on his rose. He’s getting sick of everyone being so GD supportive, dammit! Chris immediately gets angry and defensive, dropping like 5 F bombs in two sentences and immediately becoming about a thousand times more attractive and interesting than before.
YES YES YES It’s time for Cody’s one-on-one! This is going to be so silly. They’re in Verona, and Andi is wearing a skort. Does Cody know how to not smile? All signs point to no. They go to Club Juliet, where people from all over the world write letters to Juliet, asking for love advice. Naturally, Cody and Andi are going to answer some letters, because who knows love better than two people who willingly went on an a reality dating show that boasts less than a 2% success rate?
Okay, confession. Cody’s response to a letter from a guy talking about being nervous and tongue tied around the girl of his dreams was really sweet. Also he got teary eyed talking about how much the date meant to him. You know who Cody should be hanging out with? Zac W. from Des’s season. Those two emotional meatheads would support the shit out of each other, and it would be beautiful to watch.
It’s dinner time, and Cody is wearing the deepest v neck I have ever seen while Andi is some truly misguided skin color pants. Inspired by the day’s date, Cody has written his own Dear Juliet letter. Oh man. It’s so sweet, and it’s so sad how obviously not into him Andi is. UGH, Cody! You are about to get so upset. He finishes the letter, and then launches into a huge speech about how much he likes her and how he knows she’s going to fall in love with him. He’s being so sweet and so vulnerable and she starts crying because she can’t handle the niceness and WOOF, check please! Sweet, puppy dog Cody’s smile finally goes away as she explains that the romance just isn’t there. He’s sad, but understanding, and I am shocked by how much I am feeling for Cody the personal trainer with a heart of gold. There’s love for you, buddy! Call Zac! Pen pals!
It’s time for the cocktail party, and rose holding Nick is first up, and he gets Andi all hot and bothered thanks to some intense making out. The guys are annoyed that a rose holder went first, but Andi thinks “that’s a man.”
Dylan steals her away, leading to a quick montage of everyone else’s alone time. Brian very nearly plagiarizes the speech from 10 Things I Hate About You, which I am not even a little mad about, JJ steals a kiss that appears to go unappreciated, and Josh apologizes for the other night in a way that sounds suspiciously like yelling.
Let’s get to the roses. First up: Dylan. UM WHAT?! She’s going to regret any hand holding as soon as she sees this episode, that’s a definite. Brian and Marcus are next, leaving Josh and JJ to vie for the final rose. Welp, JJ, it’s been fun. Good luck with the pants!
Next week: intrigue! fighting! lots of guys saying “the right reasons!” See you there!